Girls must master self-defense

Everyone seems to be overly concerned about how girls should behave! Girls should walk this way, talk that way, laugh in a restrained manner—never too loudly. There are endless rules! This is why former Indian President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam once said, "If men spent as much time thinking about how they should behave as they do about how women should, many problems would be solved!" Even decisions about when girls should sleep or wake up are dictated by others, especially men. Despite the changing times, these outdated notions persist, often enforced by both men and women alike. This is why women have had to take to the streets, protesting through the night, declaring that they will reclaim public spaces. It's not enough to protest only in Kolkata or at Rokeya Hall in Dhaka—this has to be a global movement, happening frequently. Protesting only after an incident occurs is not enough; we must remain vigilant at all times. Women should regularly occupy the streets at least once a month in protest because, worldwide, women are not safe.

Whether in developed or underdeveloped countries, women face danger everywhere. There is hardly a woman who has not experienced unwanted physical contact at some point in her life. Predatory men lurk everywhere—on the streets, in buses, at workplaces, and even within their own homes. A shocking number of women and children face sexual harassment within their own families. Despite the many wonderful relationships between men and women, no woman has ever felt completely safe. Fear is ingrained in women's existence.

This is why, from the moment I gained awareness, I have strongly advocated for girls to be taught self-defense from an early age. I know this is not the ultimate solution, but I firmly believe it is essential. Just as swimming is a survival skill for rural girls, self-defense must become an essential skill for all girls. It should be their first lesson—learned even before how to wear a scarf or manage menstruation. Girls must be taught how to protect themselves so that they never find themselves in situations where they are helpless victims. Many survivors of assault carry lifelong trauma, affecting their behavior and mental health. The importance of learning self-defense lies in preventing such trauma. Girls must be able to signal to potential attackers that they are not weak and will not be easy prey. The perception of women as weak is ingrained in society, and until this changes, we will continue to see new cases of violence against women every day.

One of the most infamous cases of brutality occurred on the night of August 23, 1995. Sixteen-year-old Yasmin Akhter boarded a bus from Dhaka to Thakurgaon. She worked as a domestic helper in a house in Dhanmondi and was trying to reach her hometown, Dinajpur. While waiting for another vehicle at the Dashmail intersection, a police van approached. Local people advised Yasmin to take the police van to Dinajpur for safety. Though reluctant, she ultimately agreed. The van had one sub-inspector and two constables. The locals assumed she would be safe with the police. The next morning, Yasmin’s dead body was found in a place called Gobindapur.

News of her death sparked outrage in Dinajpur. Protesters vandalized government and private establishments, and the situation escalated to the point where a curfew was imposed in the city. Two days later, enraged locals attacked the Kotwali police station, keeping it under siege throughout the night. The entire administration of Dinajpur came to a standstill. Thousands attended Yasmin’s funeral in absentia. The case remains a haunting memory for the people of Dinajpur.

Similarly, the gang rape of a Dhaka University student on January 10, 2020, shook the nation. Both pro-government and opposition student organizations took to the streets in protest.

Statistics do not even capture how many women have been forced to quit their jobs due to safety concerns. Cases like the rape and murder of Sohagi Jahan Tonu in Comilla Cantonment remain unsolved, along with many others. According to Ain o Salish Kendra, a legal aid organization, there were 1,413 rape cases reported in 2019—double the number from the previous year. Human rights activists argue that even when law enforcement identifies perpetrators, cases often become mired in controversy, undermining justice. The lack of trust in the system is a major issue.

One horrifying incident occurred in Khilkhet, Dhaka, where a woman was gang-raped despite being accompanied by her husband. Can you imagine? Even with her husband by her side, she was not safe. How many more such cases must we remember?

The recent rape and murder of Dr. Moumita in Kolkata’s R.G. Kar Hospital is another shocking case. This is not just about Kolkata—it reflects a global crisis. What kind of civilized society allows such horrors?

Dr. Moumita, a 36-year-old doctor, was resting in the hospital’s seminar room after a night shift. The next day, she was found dead. Near her body was an open laptop, a spilled water bottle, and her lower body unclothed. The hospital authorities initially claimed she had committed suicide, but her family and colleagues refused to accept this explanation. Protests erupted. An autopsy later confirmed that Moumita had been gang-raped.

No woman in the world can accept such a fate. In solidarity, female students at Dhaka University staged a ‘Take Back the Night’ protest.

Hearing about such cases fills me with rage and helplessness. I want to scream, to break things, to crush the systems that enable such brutality—but all I can do is clench my fists in frustration. Mothers unknowingly raise monsters, failing to instill values in their sons. How many parents teach their sons to respect women? If they did, we wouldn’t see these horrific headlines every day. Instead, society continues to restrict girls under the guise of religion and tradition, further eroding the culture of respect.

This is why girls must master self-defense. They must stop seeing themselves as weak and instead cultivate both physical and mental strength from childhood. Mothers should not hand their daughters lists of restrictions but should empower them to be strong and independent.

Anwara Azad: Writer and essayist.