Mankiping: The invisible labour of women carrying men's emotional burden

Within relationships, there exists a form of labour that remains unseen, unpaid, and largely unrecognised—yet millions of women silently carry it every day. Sitting beside a partner to listen when he is upset, reminding him of a friend's birthday, taking on the responsibility of maintaining family ties, or quietly managing the social circle of a male partner—all of these are now being defined globally under a specific term: 'mankiping'. In Bangla, it translates roughly to 'purush-paricharya' (male-caretaking).

The term was first introduced by Angelica Ferrara, a sociologist at Stanford University in the United States, and her co-researcher Dylan Vergara. They presented the theory in a research paper published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinities in October 2024. Building on the pre-existing concept of 'kin-keeping', they coined 'mankiping' to describe the uncompensated labour arising from men's narrower social circles, which women perform to meet the emotional and social needs of the men in their lives. The term 'kin-keeping' itself is not new; sociologist Carolyn Rosenthal first introduced the concept in 1985, showing that the hidden responsibility of maintaining family bonds falls largely on women.

According to Ferrara and Vergara's research, mankiping is distinct from general caregiving or parenting. Here, women primarily perform the labour of teaching social skills to their heterosexual male partners and building and maintaining friendships on their behalf. This can take many forms: buying a birthday card for a husband's friend, organising a son's social calendar, or becoming the sole confidante for a brother navigating a difficult divorce. The core issue is that these efforts are rarely reciprocated in equal measure.

Behind this trend lies what researchers call a 'friendship recession' among men. Various studies have shown that men today have fewer close friendships than previous generations, and many rely solely on their romantic partner for emotional connection. This narrowing social circle is seen as a consequence of long-standing socio-cultural discouragement of emotional expression in men. The result is that women are compelled to serve as the entire emotional support system for their male partners, even beyond their own relationship.

Since spreading on social media, the concept of 'mankiping' has sparked considerable debate. One camp views it as a long-overdue label for a persistent inequality in relationships that has remained outside public discourse. Critics, however, argue that labelling empathy or emotional intimacy as 'labour' is an oversimplification and even a misinterpretation of closeness. This debate demonstrates that the issue is not just about a new term, but a reflection of deeper societal questions about the distribution of emotional responsibilities in relationships.

Mental health experts point out that being there for a partner or providing emotional support is not inherently harmful. Problems arise when this responsibility becomes one-sided, goes unacknowledged, or is expected from just one person. In the long term, such an imbalance can harm the mental wellbeing of both parties in a relationship. Experts advise that recognising this pattern is the first step toward change; writing down one's daily emotional responsibilities can reveal just how much invisible labour is resting on one person's shoulders.

Overall, the concept of 'mankiping' gives language to a hidden reality within relationships that has long persisted without a name. It is not a one-sided complaint but rather a call to share the emotional responsibilities within relationships more equally. The foundation of a healthy relationship is reciprocity; an equation where one person only gives and the other only takes is rarely sustainable. Through awareness and open communication, this invisible imbalance in relationships can be addressed.